Ask yourself ~

Do you constantly multitask?

Do you run out of time?

Do you feel tired and stressed?

Do you get less sleep trying to accomplish everything on your list?

Are you feeling close to burnout?

Do you find it hard to relax because of everything that you can be doing?

Do you yearn for rest and relaxation but keep putting it off?

If you can relate to the above feelings, you are definitely not alone. In this fast-paced world that we live in, we can literally be swept up into a frenzy of the “need” to over-accomplish. Many times the same momentum that propels us forward also holds us back as feelings of guilt and resentment settle in when we do not achieve the countless amounts of things that we expect of ourselves each and every day.

There’s no doubt that we do have our responsibilities. However, we all seek joy and peace of mind. Most people really do not want to do it ALL. It is exhausting operating at constant full throttle. Most would jump at the chance to get out of the fast lane and experience the true fulfillment found in the quiet moments of rest.

In future weeks, we will be focusing the benefits of rest and how to achieve that blissful state. If you are ready to feel less overwhelmed, you’ll want to check in each week as we discuss ways to restore and refresh and find that joy and peace of mind that you have been seeking for a very long time.

Are You Consumed By Juggling It All?

Many of us are conditioned to operating at the fastest speed possible. We want to be as efficient, effective and productive as possible. We are so very busy with overscheduled lives and being too busy opens the door to procrastinating on certain projects because something has to give.

When you have a deadline coming up, do you try to start your project early to give the time to pace yourself? Do you notice that waiting until the last minute to start and complete a project puts so much pressure on you? Sure, we can thrive on adrenaline, but it can also produce so much overwhelm and stress bringing with it feelings of inadequacy and unneeded pressure.

When you go on vacation, do you see and do as much as you can to maximize each moment? Is relaxing time included in that?

When you eat lunch with a friend do you compare your busyness? Do you compare how much you have to do and how little time you have? Do you run from school to after-school activities to a drive-through for dinner before study time, bath time and bedtime? Are you consumed by juggling your kids, your husband, your home and your work? 

Can you think of a way that you can give yourself a much-needed break? You may be thinking about all of those who rely on you like your children, your husband, your parents, your boss. You are a genuine hero, no doubt. You do so much for everyone. Can you think of what you can do for yourself so that you can be a peaceful hero to all around you?

Some ways can be to pace yourself with upcoming deadlines, schedule relaxation and slow down as you create a new way of doing things that are in alignment with the peace that you crave. 

Savor That Getaway Feeling

I have been on the road. During the last month, I’ve traveled to Alabama, Florida, Mississippi and Nevada. It is so interesting to see different parts of our nation and embrace the uniqueness and the flavor of different regions.

Now that I am back in Southern California, I have those experiences within me and it really does add to the depth of my perspective. Something happens to most of us when we are away from home. We try new foods, we embark on new experiences, and we allow ourselves to truly relax. It’s as if we feel a sense of pure freedom when we are away from our everyday existences and we allow ourselves to be truly bold. We make the most of every day since our time is limited while on our trips.

We can savor that getaway feeling of boldness by practicing bold living each day within our everyday lives. We can be open to new experiences and become more flexible in our choices and attitudes. We can relax more.

We can live a big life every day, not just when we are away on vacation. We can feel as if we are on the sands of an indigo ocean, taking in the beauty of diverse architecture and taking the time to watch a striking orange and pink sunset as it slowly drops into the horizon. We can savor that getaway feeling. We can take in life with all of our senses each and every day, right here and right now in our own backyards.

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara 

Dr. Cara Alana is an inspiring Life Coach and author with a Doctorate in Psychology. Her empowering approach focuses on accelerated personal and professional growth where sustainable long-term change can be achieved, resulting in tremendous breakthroughs. Equipped with training in motivational psychology, she provides a safe and soothing place of growth and empowerment. What’s standing between you and your full happiness potential? Visit her website at http://www.lifefulfillmentnow.com

 

Ask yourself these questions:        

Do you genuinely listen to what the other person has to say without already formulating an answer in your head?

Do you interrupt the other person?

Do you think too much of what the other person is thinking of you and that gets in the way of you really listening to them?

Do you listen for flaws or problems and try to “constructively criticize” or come up with a solution for them?

Do you space out and only think about yourself? Or does your mind go blank?

Are you bored? Too tired? Too stressed?

Do you really care about the other person’s viewpoint or are you overly focused on getting your point across?

When someone shares a problem or concern, do you share an even BIGGER problem or concern of your own?

Listening is an important part of communication. It shows that we can give and take and that we really care about a relationship. It is something that most of us really need to practice more of. In our fast paced world, we are in a rush to start and finish conversations. We also tend to do a lot more complaining of our own problems.

It is when we mindfully listen to others that we can really relate to others. So this week I encourage you to pay attention to your conversations. Check yourself to see if you are actively listening and all kinds of feelings can emerge ~ feelings of empathy, sympathy, understanding, respect, support and love.

Are You Around Chronic Complainers?

The way we listen in the conversations we have is important but this does not mean that you have to listen indefinitely to people who just want to vent. They are out there and they really do not want your answers, they just want to talk about their own problems. When you bring up something in your life, or change the subject or try to offer advice, they bring the subject back to meet their agenda. They live among us and are often the ones closest to us. They are our work colleagues, our neighbors, our acquaintances, our relatives and yes, even our friends.

I am not saying that you should just them out. Just listen to the words behind their words. There are those with genuine problems like impending foreclosure or a recent medical diagnosis. Then there are those who get themselves into situations where they really do not or cannot get out of. All they really want to do is complain or hear over and over again of whatever is wrong with their boss, their offender, their mother, their mate, their friend. Those like to live in crisis and although they say that they yearn for peace and harmony, they do not want to really get unstuck. They just want to chronically complain. They want the other person to change and they actually like playing the victim.

This is when it is important to listen to your own self. Ask yourself if that person really wants your help. It is very true that we all need a shoulder to cry on every once in a while, but chronic crying can indicate a need for more help than you can offer. You may not feel comfortable suggesting a therapist but you can suggest journaling or meditating on their issue, activities that offer the solitude needed for introspection.

So practice your listening skills but also remember to listen to yourself.

Are You The Critical One?

Ask yourself ~

Do you have higher expectations of people than they do for themselves?

Do you push people harder so that they live up to your standards?

Are you consistently disappointed in the efforts and outcomes of others?

Do you find yourself making remarks of “constructive criticism” to “improve” others?

Does your “constructive criticism” cause feelings of anger or hurt for others?

When we realize that we are the critical one, we have taken the first step in the quest to tone down. We can accept the fact that we do want to help but that our ways are actually doing more harm than good.

How do we have conservations with people that we feel that need to over-help?

We can do everything we can to hold ourselves back, way back, from making comments to “fix” the situation. We do something that they really need and that is, we listen, just listen.

Most people really just seek someone to listen to them and in many cases they figure things out simply by just listening to themselves say things out loud. So next time you have a conversation with someone and you are dying to put in your two cents, don’t. If they do not ask for your advice, they probably do not want it. They just want you to listen.

That doesn’t mean that you become overly distant and say things like, “I’m listening. It’s your problem, you figure it out.” It means becoming a genuine listener who really cares and can be confided in. If they do ask you what you think, you can share your thoughts in a way that is gentle and nonjudgmental.

For instance, this is an example of a critical listener who is more focused on the solution and not on the feelings of the other person.

Them: I am so worried. Our credit card debt is so high.

Critical You: Well, you just have to be strong and not use credit cards. What did you charge on them anyways? It’s all about discipline.

Or, you can become a genuine listener and confidant.

Them: I am so worried. Our credit card debt is so high.

Genuine Listener and Confidant: That is stressful. You’re not alone. Are there ways that you can tackle that?  (Tone of voice is important here and also more listening.)

You can do the greatest help by empowering them to stand strong instead of having them stay stuck in feeling criticized.

Becoming a genuine listener lets others feel comfortable in sharing with you. By letting them admit out loud to themselves that they do have valid concerns enables them to move towards seeking out their own solutions.

Are you getting lost in your own reactions?

Your own personal triggers can interfere with the way you listen to others. We all carry our own life experiences with us and it is natural to react or even overreact to what others may say.

It is easy to get lost in our own reactions but when we do that, we are disengaging from the words that the other person is saying to us. We are being confided in and yet, we disengage. Whether we drift off in our own thoughts consciously or not, the connection has been interfered with.

How do we really listen to someone when our personal triggers are activated?

We can remind ourselves that we are actively listening to the thoughts and feelings of the other person. We become mindful of staying open and flexible so that we can relax and really understand what the other person is communicating.

When someone else trusts us enough to share parts of his or her life with us, we want to honor and respect that. How else can we show that respect but by really listening to their verbal and nonverbal communications without judgment or distractions?

This week I encourage you to stay in the moment and genuinely listen in your conversations. That way you can be an active participator in the beauty of true human connection.

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara

 

Dr. Cara Alana is an inspiring Life Coach and author with a Doctorate in Psychology. Her empowering approach focuses on accelerated personal and professional growth where sustainable long-term change can be achieved, resulting in tremendous breakthroughs. Equipped with training in motivational psychology, she provides a safe and soothing place of growth and empowerment. What’s standing between you and your full happiness potential? Visit her website at http://www.lifefulfillmentnow.com 

 

 

I just returned from a couple of weeks in the desert, a place I have always associated with solitude and spirituality colored in earth tones. This trip shifted that perspective. On the drive there I experienced a true winter wonderland, as the freshly fallen snow was everywhere. It was an incredibly beautiful sight to see, one that was in sharp contrast to the dry brown desert that I had always known. We even pulled off the highway so that my daughter could feel snow for the very first time.

I just returned from a couple of weeks in the desert, a place I have always associated with solitude and spirituality colored in earth tones. This trip shifted that perspective. On the drive there I experienced a true winter wonderland, as the freshly fallen snow was everywhere. It was an incredibly beautiful sight to see, one that was in sharp contrast to the dry brown desert that I had always known. We even pulled off the highway so that my daughter could feel snow for the very first time.

Fourteen days later on the drive home the desert had returned to its’ usual appearance except for a few patches of white that still remained on the high mountains.

I missed the white blanket of snow. As I thought about it, I realized that it was not the snow that I missed. It was the unexpected beauty of the experience that I longed for.

Now that I am back home, I still can savor the beauty of that drive. It brings a feeling of peace to me.

Life is like that. We experience the beauty of new experiences and we move on, cherishing those memories in our hearts. That beauty and peace stays within us.

We find it easier to see the beauty in others when we can feel beauty within ourselves. We bring peace to others when we are at peace. Amidst the uncertainty of the world, that beauty and peace makes an important difference in our outlooks, attitudes and tolerance levels.

Embrace the beauty and peace in your experiences and see your world change as you change.

I look around my world and see the effects of New Year’s Resolutions at the gym, at the tennis club and on the streets. Fresh energy leads to fresh attitudes, ready to re-shape bodies into healthier ones. This is such so exciting!

It is because as we take charge of our physical bodies, we invite other changes into our lives. Transformation can manifest itself in our emotional, mental and spiritual lives as well.

The power and control that we feel in taking an active step towards a better life is extremely empowering. When we feel better about ourselves and when we take responsibility for change, we become more attractive to ourselves and to others.

We also become more tolerant, kind and joyful because just as our bodies are becoming more flexible, we are inviting emotional and mental flexibility into our everyday existences as well. Flexibility leads to resilience, a quality we all can use in our constantly changing world.

So go ahead and increase your flexibility and your strength and you will see a beautiful difference in so many other areas of your life.

Since we are all affected by the positive and negative energies that surround us, we should try to surround ourselves with positive people and shield ourselves from the negative ones.

However, we can’t always avoid those negative ones in our lives. We work with them, we play with them, we are related to them.

We can all make big differences in small ways to those with negative energy. Someone who is going through a rough patch may be in dire need of someone who takes the time to show them kindness and understanding. This may be the catalyst that causes a shift in their own ways of thinking.

Usually people have negative energy if they have experienced hurt, rejection and anger in the past. They live a life of the glass being half full.

These people are chronically negative and try to keep others down by criticizing. They may never change but YOU can change the way you react to them.

Either way you can be strong. This week when the negative energy person in your life appears, try to listen to them and say something caring. Instead of saying, “Look on the bright side,” (they HATE this) say something like, “That must be hard on you. Would do you wish could happen?” This wishful way of thinking may be a new thing for them and it may stop them in their tracks. It also gives you the opportunity to show them as well as yourself that it is THEIR issue and NOT yours to fix.

When we are given the opportunity to address the issues in our own lives on our terms head-on, it becomes clear just who is the victim and who is the survivor.

There are people around us who are just plain toxic to our health. What can we do when we can’t get them out of our lives?

Continually seek out the wisdom and strength to realize your boundaries. When you deal with these individuals, know that it is more beneficial to your emotional, physical and spiritual health to ACT rather than REACT.

How do you view yourself? When you see yourself as someone who can be constantly criticized, you inevitably act out that role. You start attracting people who criticize.

On the other hand, when you see yourself as someone who can be treated with dignity and respect, your spirit knows this and naturally begins to protect itself by weeding out comments and actions by those who want to belittle you.

We have to believe in ourselves and our actions and reactions will follow suit. We will speak differently and realize that it is ultimately our own opinions that really matter. We begin to treat ourselves with the dignity and respect that we are craving.

This week be mindful of the instances where you feel like you were bullied, criticized or hurt and ask yourself whether you were ACTING or REACTING. You will feel greater power and control than ever before as you move into a beautiful state of harmony.

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara

 

Dr. Cara Alana is an inspiring Life Coach and author with a Doctorate in Psychology. Her empowering approach focuses on accelerated personal and professional growth where sustainable long-term change can be achieved, resulting in tremendous breakthroughs. Equipped with training in motivational psychology, she provides a safe and soothing place of growth and empowerment. What’s standing between you and your full happiness potential? Visit her website at http://www.lifefulfillmentnow.com 

A portion of the following article recently appeared on a HUGE life and style site that reaches millions of viewers, glam.com (www.glam.com). It is a genuine honor to be selected as a feature author on their empowerment page!

 

In our fast-paced world, many of us feel the desire to slow down. And yet, we don’t. For instance, when was the last time you rested? I mean, take a quiet time-out during the day when you have “so- much-to-do” type of resting? Exactly!

The truth is that with all of our society’s technological advances, we are finding ourselves trying to keep up with the pace. We start to cram more and more into our already busy lives. We find that multitasking has become a way of life. We frantically try to cross off every item on our to-do lists and feel like failures when we fall short.

Why do we expect so much of ourselves?

When are we going to slow down and rest?

Rest does not have to mean a nap. It can mean not checking your email or surfing the internet for half an hour. It can mean sitting quietly and pausing to reflect. It can be closing your eyes and letting your mind really relax.

These small acts ways of relaxing make profound differences in your focus and your energy. By taking the time to simply slow down, you allow your mind, body and spirit to relax, refresh and rejuvinate.

This week I encourage you to be really mindful of adding some rest time to your life. Take time out to rest from the noise (and your phone) and let yourself go to a place of quiet. Just fifteen minutes a day will make a BIG difference. The concept is so simple and yet, why aren’t we doing it?

Give your to-do list a makeover.  

Part of relaxing is taking time to prove to yourself that you deserve to take some time for yourself. You have the intention to slow down and relax and you will, that is, after and only after all of the items on your To-Do list are completed.

Let’s take a look at this To-Do-list. It may contain errands you need to run in order to make your life run more smoothly. These might include the grocery store, putting in gas and washing the clothes. However, many women I know also put items on this list that they WANT to do but now have evolved into things they NEED to know. These include losing twenty pounds, getting rid of their wrinkles and getting six-pack abs.

The problem with these “bigger” goals is that they are items that are not easily checked off, at least now this week. These goals take an enormous amount of time, energy and dedication. Including these items on your regular To-Do list is not only unfair to these “bigger” goals, they are unfair to YOU. No wonder you can’t rest!

Try this. Limit your To-Do list to simple tasks that can be done today or at least this week like going to the dry cleaners, washing your car or going through that pile of papers on the table. By keeping this list simple with manageable items, you are saving yourself a great deal of stress and anxiety. You are also giving yourself the gift of progress at the end of each day.

The “bigger” goals can me on another list that you can call your “Future Wish List” list. You can break these big goals down into mini-goals. For example, if your goals are to lose twenty pounds you can break that down into diet, exercise and attitude and celebrate each small victory instead of chronically like a failure. The weight of not failing short of accomplishing all of your goals can really hold you back. By putting items on their respective lists, you can sort them out in your mind as what is reasonable and unreasonable for today.

So give yourself a break. You will be able to relax knowing that you have created more space in your life to rest in the luxury of today’s accomplishment.

Have you lost your optimism?

In today’s economic climate, it is easy to lose our optimism. That is why it is so important now more than ever to embrace what we are grateful for, even if it is one thing and that thing seems small like that you CAN pay your bills, that gas went down 30% since last month, and that you and your family are able to celebrate Thanksgiving this year.

It’s the simple things that can make all the difference. So can relaxation.

Are you getting enough sleep each night? Try to get at least seven hours of sleep for a couple of nights and observe how your energy and tolerance levels go up.

Are you practicing positive self-talk about your body? Ladies, this is an IMPORTANT one because your body hears everything you say and can get pretty resentful if you are critical. So be easy on yourself, your body will thank you and start cooperating when you want to move it around.

Are you loving and respectful? It is not easy to be kind when others are not, but by keeping a spirit of loving kindness, you are allowing your spirit to experience an invaluable sense of peace.

No matter what is going on in your life and in your world, you CAN control how you react and interact with yourself and with others. And in this crazy world, THAT we can be grateful for.

To Your Fulfillment,

Cara

 

Complaining. Bragging. Putting others down. We all know the type. These people are NOT happy with their own lives and feel better when they feel superior to others. They need attention and feel threatened if they are not always viewed as the best. How can we be truly happy when we have these people around us?

The first step is to recognize that these people have their own issues. They may look totally confident on the outside but their fear shows when they complain, compare and belittle. They are afraid of losing their prime position and act selfishly without taking responsibility for their actions. They want to control YOU because they feel like they are losing control. They are externally focused but YOU can be internally focused.

You can give up feeling guilty about your success when around these people. You can gently allow yourself to be happy without flaunting it or hiding it. YOU can shine through your outlook, actions and positive attitude.

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You want to do something that speaks to you. Intuition does help but sometimes you just can’t hear the voice that tells you exactly what you are here on earth to do. You need a change but don’t know where to begin. 

Start with looking deep within yourself. Explore what REALLY brings happiness.

Try this. Ask yourself the following questions:

Do you LOVE your life?

Do you even LIKE your life?

What do you enjoy doing at work?

What do you enjoy doing in your leisure?

Why do I enjoy the following activities/aspects of my work/leisure life?

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The Beauty That Can’t Be Bottled

I know many women who have lived their lives to please other people. First it’s parents, then friends, then husbands, then children. There comes a point of awakening, most commonly when the kids are practically self-sufficient, when these women realize that they have been living by someone else’s rules. They wonder to themselves, “When can I start living the life that I want?”

What a tough question. Difficult because deep down they do not even know what they really, really want. Of course, there’s the obvious. There’s happiness, good health, and let’s not forget a youthful appearance. But women want more. 

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In the Danger Zone

It is officially summer, the weather has told me so. As I write this it is a sunny summer day, 105 degrees warm. I look for ways to cool down. I grab my purse and am overcome with joy when I find an unopened bottle of water. It’s room temperature, but as I take a big sip from it I feel as if I have stepped into Heaven.

We run our air conditioners in our cars and our homes. We fan ourselves with booklets at sporting events and with our hands at the gym. We wear hats to protect our faces and some of us use umbrellas to shelter us from the sun’s heat.

We take such good care of our bodies when it is hot.

But, what do we do with our overheated minds?

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To Work Or Not To Work

I recently had a group of women gather together in a room to honor working and stay-at-home moms and their contribution and their support that they so unselfishly gave to their children. At first, it was nice and easy as all of the women looked genuinely happy to be at what they called a “social outing.” It was to be a 3-hour get-together complete with organic teas, healthy snacks and some unhealthy but sinfully delectable desserts. These mothers looked relaxed and genuinely happy to be there. They smiled as they complemented each other on clothing, hair and purses.

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During the last month hopefully you were able to sit down to reflect on the things that you seek to make up your ideal relationship. Wasn’t it an eye-opening experience?

Here is an example from a client of mine we’ll call Kelly (with her permission, of course). Kelly came to me because she really wanted to have direction in her dating life. She could not find a man who she trusted.

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Let’s take a look at the types of romantic relationships we choose to be in. If you’ve lost faith in the fact that you CAN find love, there is a soul-searching solution for finding a fulfilling and loving relationship. 

Women who have many things going for them, I see it often. They are intelligent, savvy and accomplished. They know exactly what they want in a man.

(more…)

Since there is a direct correlation between our happiness and stress with our health, it is important to strive for healthy relationships instead of toxic ones. A healthy relationship includes gratitude, happiness and closeness as serotonin flows freely through the brain. A toxic relationship raises our heart rate and our blood pressure while putting stress on the immune system. You know if you are in a toxic relationship. You are suffering, lonely and not appreciated. All of this manifests itself as disappointment, destructive emotions and most likely physical symptoms.

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Happiness is within each and every one of us and if we seek a happiness mindset daily, we can live with passion and purpose right now. The first step to happiness is releasing from the need to control others. You can only control your reactions, not how others act or react. That realization is the ultimate control. It’s not about what happens in the world around you, it’s about how you interpret it. And you do have total control over that.

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Over the past month you have been encouraged to take some “stillness time” and bravely examine your true feelings. We talked about how you can control only your actions and reactions and not how others act or react. That is the ultimate control.  It’s not about what happens in the world around you, it’s about how you interpret it. And you do have total control over that. When you exercise your power to control your own interpretation, then you can detach from the outcome and stay flexible and relaxed.  (more…)

Last week I introduced “stillness time” as a way to listen to your true self and invited you to integrate it into your life. Acknowledge yourself for doing this ~ this process takes a lot of courage. You will know yourself in a deeper way, right down to your core. The key to realizing what will really bring fulfillment to you is to spend this time with yourself and shine the light on your thoughts and feelings. (more…)

Last week I introduced the idea of developing a mindset of abundance and invited you to acknowledge your feelings, honor them and then release them. This week I invite you to experience a way to hone in on your true feelings in the midst of your busy life.

Most of the time this is happening under the surface – you have a negative thought or feeling, and you react to it. As you’re going on through your busy life, you may not know why all of a sudden you don’t feel motivated to take that action towards the life of fulfillment that you really want. (more…)

When you’re trying to reach for what you really want, negative thoughts and self-talk can be overwhelmingly powerful. Have you ever talked yourself out of action and into the comfort zone?Your perspective is essential to your success, and that is where reframing comes in.  (more…)

I live in Southern California where wildfires recently raged through, burning more land than the Hawaiian island of Oahu. The closest fire to me was deliberately and professionally set and mostly 90% contained as I write this due to wind shifts and cooler temperatures. It filled the air with a giant amount of smoke, ash and harmful chemicals. The air and sky were an ugly brownish color and the sun appeared red. Your eyes burned and you could not take a full breath. Even with every window in your house tightly closed, you could smell smoke. Many times I was sure that there was a fire in my own home.

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Gail believed in her BIG dream of becoming a freelance writer. She dedicated two hours a day to her craft and was writing a book of short stories. During her day job as an accountant, she envisioned herself living a passionate life in her home office writing away full-time. Ready to take the next step, Gail was excited to leave her high prestige accountant position in order to write a novel that she had been developing. She had saved up an impressive amount to cover her expenses for one year. So you can imagine how thrilled she was that she finally was ready to take the bold move and live her dream.  (more…)